I broke up with him yesterday. I hate that I did it and I feel dumb for doing it but it needed to be done. I did and still do love him very much but I can't keep doing it. He's a zombie he has no feelings no thoughts no desires. He just sits there and plays video games and plays his guitar. I know he doesn't really care. Aside from telling him exactly what he can do to fix it he still just either doesn't get it or doesn't care to. I just don't know if he's punishing me or what is going though his head. He doesn't talk to me he doesn't even try. I know he's not ready to be a dad. I'm not ready either but I'm doing it just fine. I have given up my last few years of being a kid to be a mom. I spend every waking moment I have with her and I love every second of it. I don't get why he can't do the same. He doesn't want to be a part of a family he doesn't want to get married and do that whole bit. He says that he does but it's just empty words told by thoughtless eyes. I wish he would have told me the truth months ago. I wish I would have known before we got this apartment and tried to start raising Idella together. If I would have known. I would have already been doing it by myself and would have been far ahead of the game by now. I just want him to show me that he cares. I just want him to tell me that he's sorry for everything. I've sat there next to him for the last three nights and just bawled my eyes out and the only thing that he's done is play his guitar or play his video games or sat on the computer. I can't take this anymore. All I wanted was for him to just try and hold me to show me some sort of compassion. He said that he quit his job because it ruined our relationship but how can I believe that. He just wanted to quit because he hated it. I keep looking to the door and hoping that he's going to walk in and say he's sorry and try to work it out. It's not going to happen it's never going to happen. I don't know why I can't just come to terms with it to just let it go. It's so hard because I've been though so much with him and that we have a little girl together. I came back to try and work it out with her dad so she could have both of us. So that she wouldn't have to only be with one parent during chritmas like I was. Because I hated that so bad. There is no hope. It has become apparent to me that I will never truely ever be happy in a relationship. I am destin to fall too hard and too much. These next two months are going to be tough but I know that if I can get though them then I will be alright. I told him tonight that after I move out. I'm not coming back ever that I'm not going to do this again. Oh yes and my mom and Jeff tied the knot. I have a new step-father. That is all oh yeah and does anyone have any boxes? The lease is up on October 31st and I have alot of stuff I'd like to get packing as soon as I can all I need now are boxes lots of boxes.
Good for you for not putting up with his utter bullcrap anymore. Colby needs to quit being a selfish boy. I am sorry that you are having such trying times but you can get through it. From what I have seen you are quite the trooper. Have hope. <3
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